Verizon: “Your check is in the mail. Maybe. At some point. I guess.”

Long-time readers of this blog know that for many years, I used Verizon as my cell phone provider. It wasn’t by choice. My ex-wife signed up with Verizon when we first needed cell phones, she got the “good” cell phone, I received the one with the antenna and the wonky ringtone.

I kept Verizon after my divorce, mostly because they had a grandfathered unlimited data plan and I was hesitant to do anything to compromise that. But being with Verizon was like surviving an abusive relationship. Verizon would perform micro-aggressive tactics every so often – adding surcharges and fees depending on whether I wanted to play my bill with cash or at a Verizon store or a Verizon kiosk or some other issue. They would brick my quality BlackBerry just to make me get an iPhone, then they would get pissed when I bought an out-of-market unlocked BlackBerry and added it to the Verizon network. Nyah.

Last month, I finally cancelled my Verizon account and moved to another provider. But in doing so, I discovered that I had slightly overpaid on my last Verizon bill – to the tune of $18.53.

Okay, I want my $18.53 back. Make it happen, Verizon.

Well, the same telecommunications juggernaut that would demand payment instantly – suddenly had a wee bit of a problem returning funds that were not legally theirs to own. Fancy that.

In fact, I received what looked like a mailed bill from Verizon, only to discover that the “bill” simply said I had a credit of $18.53. Yeah, I know. What do you expect me to do with that credit? Buy a “I Survived Verizon” Stanley mug?

It took THREE different phone calls to Verizon to get the matter resolved. And yesterday, tucked in the mail between some promotional flyers and a couple of catalogs … was a prepaid debit card from Verizon.

A non-reloadable debit card of $18.53.

Finally. Trust me, if I had OWED Verizon $18.53, they would have hounded me every hour on the hour to get that coinage. But receiving a refund from Verizon? That was an adventure in and of itself.

So … I’ve got $18.53 on a debit card. There’s a few ways I can use this if I choose.

I could go to the post office and purchase $18.53 in postage stamps. Seriously. You never know when you’ll need postage stamps.

I could go to the laundromat and load that $18.53 (or at least $18.50 of it) on my washer-dryer account. Oh, you didn’t hear that I ended my pick-up-and-drop-off laundry service with Best Cleaners? Damn, I thought I blogged about that. Don’t worry … I will. 😀

I could load that $18.53 debit card onto my Amazon account and leave it there as a credit for a future purchase. That’s an easy option if I want.

But for now, I have this prepaid debit card. The last tangible connection between my former cell phone service provider and me.

The end of an era.

Yeah, Verizon. I think that, for all intents and purposes, you FINALLY heard me now.

Buh-bye.